Unaddressed letter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbYBLqK_vLE&t=4s

Dear God,

Let me write the letter to You. I know we don’t talk often enough. Maybe I don’t find enough time… or maybe Your quietness discourages me way to much. Maybe I don’t find enough patience for the monologues of mine…? But You know I do wish so much to find You. To get closer to You and walk on Your path. I can't stop. You know, God, I can't help but desire to understand it all just a little bit more. I desire so deeply to find at least some answers. To, first of all, find the Truth. But how to live in this world when my little faith is wobbling in the strong wind of misconceptions all around? How to find the ultimate Truth and stick to it? How to know what is real and what's not? Why can't we all know the truth? Why seeking it must be so difficult? Why is the life here like walking among the thickest fog? Not knowing where to go, what to look at to see the lighthouse on the boundless sea of loss and abandonment... And why do I even care so much to know, why do I have so much curiosity in my heart? Why can’t I stop looking for the answers? I just believe finding the truth about the life here and the laws of the heaven is our one of the most important task. There’s just one more important thing to do in this life – it's to love. And then, just behind love, there’s the necessity of finding the truth. Not my own truth, not this what me or the world find convenient. There’s only one Truth, although it must be unexplainably complex I humbly suppose. Why can’t we all understand the real truth? Why do we have to live here with our profound limitations and almost complete lack of knowledge? Why do we know this little? However, maybe we should live behind the curtain of lack of understanding for a reason… Would knowing the truth be way too much for us to carry with our limited perspective here? Or maybe that’s just me… Should I stop looking for it all? Maybe I should live normally as others do. Focus only on a daily basis and my duties. But how to do it while I am simply unable to give up on seeking the truth? I can't help but desire to make sense out of this all. And how to know what the only one ultimate Truth is among all the load of nonsense we live in? We need to stay cautious and careful with every step we take, as nowadays, as never before, we face thousands of distortions. Created by the ones who try to deceive others for different reasons, maybe even for fun. Created by the ones who live in darkness too not knowing the Truth. How to find verity in this insane world we live in? However, the question I fear most... what if... if there's no truth...? Not at all? What if... life is just a terrible coincidence, just a no-purpose fate? A human being a mixture of genes, as scientists say... I do knock to You, I keep asking so crazily at times, God. Why are you remaining so quiet? Why are there no answers? Why do you make me live with this deep poignant unknowledge? Why can't I find You at all? And what to do if I can't stop looking for the truth? My mind can't stop thinking and my soul so deeply desires to find and understand more. Was that You who made me the way? Or was it simply blind fate that mocked me? You know my soul to the bottom. You know, God, that finding the truth is the greatest desire of my heart. I ask You, let me know the Truth. Lead us on Your way. You do know I choose You. But where to go? What is the way and what's the truth? Will you ever clear up the thick fog around me? To see the Light more…